少年维特的烦恼-第8部分

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to　assist　others？　It　will　afflict　her　that　I　should　have　interrupted
that　career　which　would　have　made　me　first　a　privy　councillor　，　and　then
minister，　and　that　I　should　look　behind　me　，　in　place　of　advancing。
Argue　as　you　will　，　bine　all　the　reasons　which　should　have　induced
me　to　remain，　I　am　going　：　that　is　sufficient。　But，　that　you　may　not
be　ignorant　of　my　destination　，　I　may　mention　that　the　Prince　of　——
is　here。　He　is　much　pleased　with　my　pany　；　and，　having　heard　of　my
intention　to　resign　，　he　has　invited　me　to　his　country　house　，　to　pass
the　spring　months　with　him。　I　shall　be　left　pletely　my　own　master；
and　，　as　we　agree　on　all　subjects　but　one，　I　shall　try　my　fortune　，
and　acpany　him。

　　APRIL　l9。　Thanks　for　both　your　letters。　I　delayed　my　reply，　and　withheld
this　letter　，　till　I　should　obtain　an　answer　from　the　court。　I　feared
my　mother　might　apply　to　the　minister　to　defeat　my　purpose。　But　my　request
is　granted，　my　resignation　is　accepted。　I　shall　not　recount　with　what
reluctance　it　was　accorded，　nor　relate　what　the　minister　has　written
：　you　would　only　renew　your　lamentations。　The　crown　prince　has　sent　me
a　present　of　five　and　twenty　ducats　；　and，　indeed　，　such　goodness　has
affected　me　to　tears。　For　this　reason　I　shall　not　require　from　my　mother
the　money　for　which　I　lately　applied。

　　MAY　5。　I　leave　this　place　to…morrow　；　and，　as　my　native　place　is
only　six　miles　from　the　high　road　，　I　intend　to　visit　it　once　more　，
and　recall　the　happy　dreams　of　my　childhood。　I　shall　enter　at　the　same
gate　through　which　I　came　with　my　mother，　when　，　after　my　father's　death，
she　left　that　delightful　retreat　to　immure　herself　in　your　melancholy
town。　Adieu　，　my　dear　friend　：　you　shall　hear　of　my　future　career。

　　MAY　9。　I　have　paid　my　visit　to　my　native　place　with　all　the　devotion
of　a　pilgrim，　and　have　experienced　many　unexpected　emotions。　Near　the
great　elm　tree，　which　is　a　quarter　of　a　league　from　the　village，　I　got
out　of　the　carriage　，　and　sent　it　on　before，　that　alone　，　and　on　foot，
I　might　enjoy　vividly　and　heartily　all　the　pleasure　of　my　recollections。
I　stood　there　under　that　same　elm　which　was　formerly　the　term　and　object
of　my　walks。　How　things　have　since　changed！　Then　，　in　happy　ignorance，
I　sighed　for　a　world　I　did　not　know　，　where　I　hoped　to　find　every　pleasure
and　enjoyment　which　my　heart　could　desire　；　and　now，　on　my　return　from
that　wide　world　，　O　my　friend，　how　many　disappointed　hopes　and　unsuccessful
plans　have　I　brought　back　！

　　As　I　contemplated　the　mountains　which　lay　stretched　out　before　me　，
I　thought　how　often　they　had　been　the　object　of　my　dearest　desires。　Here
used　I　to　sit　for　hours　together　with　my　eyes　bent　upon　them，　ardently
longing　to　wander　in　the　shade　of　those　woods　，　to　lose　myself　in　those
valleys　，　which　form　so　delightful　an　object　in　the　distance。　With　what
reluctance　did　I　leave　this　charming　spot　；　when　my　hour　of　recreation
was　over，　and　my　leave　of　absence　expired！　I　drew　near　to　the　village
：　all　the　well…known　old　summerhouses　and　gardens　were　recognised　again
；　I　disliked　the　new　ones，　and　all　other　alterations　which　had　taken
place。　I　entered　the　village，　and　all　my　former　feelings　returned。　I
cannot，　my　dear　friend　，　enter　into　details　，　charming　as　were　my　sensations
：　they　would　be　dull　in　the　narration。　I　had　intended　to　lodge　in　the
market…place，　near　our　old　house。　As　soon　as　I　entered　，　I　perceived
that　the　schoolroom　，　where　our　childhood　had　been　taught　by　that　good
old　woman　，　was　converted　into　a　shop。　I　called　to　mind　the　sorrow　，
the　heaviness　，　the　tears，　and　oppression　of　heart，　which　I　experienced
in　that　confinement。　Every　step　produced　some　particular　impression。　A
pilgrim　in　the　Holy　Land　does　not　meet　so　many　spots　pregnant　with　tender
recollections　，　and　his　soul　is　hardly　moved　with　greater　devotion。　One
incident　will　serve　for　illustration。　I　followed　the　course　of　a　stream
to　a　farm　，　formerly　a　delightful　walk　of　mine　，　and　paused　at　the　spot，
where　，　when　boys，　we　used　to　amuse　ourselves　making　ducks　and　drakes
upon　the　water。　I　recollected　so　well　how　I　used　formerly　to　watch　the
course　of　that　same　stream，　following　it　with　inquiring　eagerness，　forming
romantic　ideas　of　the　countries　it　was　to　pass　through；　but　my　imagination
was　soon　exhausted：　while　the　water　continued　flowing　farther　and　farther
on，　till　my　fancy　became　bewildered　by　the　contemplation　of　an　invisible
distance。　Exactly　such，　my　dear　friend　，　so　happy　and　so　confined　，
were　the　thoughts　of　our　good　ancestors。　Their　feelings　and　their　poetry
were　fresh　as　childhood。　And，　when　Ulysses　talks　of　the　immeasurable
sea　and　boundless　earth　，　his　epithets　are　true，　natural，　deeply　felt，
and　mysterious。　Of　what　importance　is　it　that　I　have　learned，　with　every
schoolboy　，　that　the　world　is　round？　Man　needs　but　little　earth　for
enjoyment　，　and　still　less　for　his　final　repose。

　　I　am　at　present　with　the　prince　at　his　hunting　lodge。　He　is　a　man
with　whom　one　can　live　happily。　He　is　honest　and　unaffected。　There　are，
however　，　some　strange　characters　about　him，　whom　I　cannot　at　all　understand。
They　do　not　seem　vicious，　and　yet　they　do　not　carry　the　appearance　of
thoroughly　honest　men。　Sometimes　I　am　disposed　to　believe　them　honest　，
and　yet　I　cannot　persuade　myself　to　confide　in　them。　It　grieves　me　to
hear　the　prince　occasionally　talk　of　things　which　he　has　only　read　or
heard　of，　and　always　with　the　same　view　in　which　they　have　been　represented
by　others。

　　He　values　my　understanding　and　talents　more　highly　than　my　heart，
but　I　am　proud　of　the　latter　only。　It　is　the　sole　source　of　everything
of　our　strength　，　happiness，　and　misery。　All　the　knowledge　I　possess
every　one　else　can　acquire，　but　my　heart　is　exclusively　my　own。

　　MAY　25。　I　have　had　a　plan　in　my　head　of　which　I　did　not　intend　to
speak　to　you　until　it　was　acplished：　now　that　it　has　failed　，　I　may
as　well　mention　it。　I　wished　to　enter　the　army，　and　had　long　been　desirous
of　taking　the　step。　This，　indeed　，　was　the　chief　reason　for　my　ing
here　with　the　prince，　as　he　is　a　general　in　the　service。　I　municated
my　design　to　him　during　one　of　our　walks　together。　He　disapproved　of　it，
and　it　would　have　been　actual　madness　not　to　have　listened　to　his　reasons。

　　JUNE　11。　Say　what　you　will，　I　can　remain　here　no　longer。　Why　should
I　remain？　Time　hangs　heavy　upon　my　hands。　The　prince　is　as　gracious　to
me　as　any　one　could　be，　and　yet　I　am　not　at　my　ease。　There　is，　indeed，
nothing　in　mon　between　us。　He　is　a　man　of　understanding，　but　quite
of　the　ordinary　kind。　His　conversation　affords　me　no　more　amusement　than
I　should　derive　from　the　perusal　of　a　well…written　book。　I　shall　remain
here　a　week　Ionger，　and　then　start　again　on　my　travels。　My　drawings　are
the　best　things　I　have　done　since　I　came　here。　The　prince　has　a　taste
for　the　arts，　and　would　improve　if　his　mind　were　not　fettered　by　cold
rules　and　mere　technical　ideas。　I　often　lose　patience　，　when　，　with
a　glowing　imagination　，　I　am　giving　expression　to　art　and　nature　，　he
interferes　with　learned　suggestions　，　and　uses　at　random　the　technical
phraseology　of　artists。

　　JULY　16。　Once　more　I　am　a　wanderer，　a　pilgrim，　through　the　world。
But　what　else　are　you　！

　　JULY　18。　Whither　am　I　going　？　I　will　tell　you　in　confidence。　I　am
obliged　to　continue　a　fortnight　longer　here　，　and　then　I　think　it　would
be　better　for　me　to　visit　the　mines　in——。　But　I　am　only　deluding　myself
thus。　The　fact　is　，　I　wish　to　be　near　Charlotte　again，　that　is　all。
I　smile　at　the　suggestions　of　my　heart，　and　obey　its　dictates。

　　JULY　29。　No　，　no　！　it　is　yet　well　all　is　well　！　I　her　husband！
O　God　，　who　gave　me　being，　if　thou　hadst　destined　this　happiness　for
me，　my　whole　life　would　have　been　one　continual　thanksgiving　！　But　I
will　not　murmur　——　forgive　these　tears，　forgive　these　fruitless　wishes。
She　——　my　wife！　Oh　，　the　very　thought　of　folding　that　dearest　of　Heaven's
creatures　in　my　arms！　Dear　Wilhelm　，　my　whole　frame　feels　convulsed
when　I　see　Albert　put　his　arms　around　her　slender　waist　！

　　And　shall　I　avow　it　？　Why　should　I　not　，　Wilhelm？　She　would　have
been　happier　with　me　than　with　him。　Albert　is　not　the　man　to　satisfy　the
wishes　of　such　a　heart。　He　wants　a　certain　sensibility；　he　wants　——
in　short，　their　hearts　do　not　beat　in　unison。　How　often，　my　dear　friend，
im　reading　a　passage　from　some　interesting　book　，　when　my　heart　and　Charlotte's
seemed　to　meet，　and　in　a　hundred　other　instances　when　our　sentiments
were　unfolded　by　the　story　of　some　fictitious　character　，　have　I　felt
that　we　were　made　for　each　other！　But，　dear　Wilhelm　，　he　loves　her
with　his　whole　soul　；　and　what　does　not　such　a　love　deserve？

　　I　have　been　interrupted　by　an　insufferable　visit。　I　have　dried　my
tears　，　and　posed　my　thoughts。　Adieu，　my　best　friend　！

　　AUGUST　4。　I　am　not　alone　unfortunate。　All　men　are　disappointed　in
their　hopes　，　and　deceived　in　their　expectations。　I　have　paid　a　visit
to　my　good　old　woman　under　the　lime…trees。　The　eldest　boy　ran　out　to　meet
me：　his　exclamation　of　joy　brought　out　his　mother，　but　she　had　a　very
melancholy　look。　Her　first　word　was　，　〃Alas！　dear　sir　，　my　little　John
is　dead。〃　He　was　the　youngest　of　her　children。　I　was　silent。　〃And　my　husband
has　returned　from　Switzerland　without　any　money　；　and，　if　some　kind
people　had　not　assisted　him　，　he　must　have　begged　his　way　home。　He　was
taken　ill　with　fever　on　his　journey。〃　I　could　answer　nothing，　but　made
the　little　one　a　present。　She　invited　me　to　take　some　fruit　：　I　plied，
and　left　the　place　with　a　sorrowful　heart。

　　AUGUST　21。　My　sensations　are　constantly　changing。　Sometimes　a　happy
prospect　opens　before　me；　but　alas　！　it　is　only　for　a　moment；　and　then，
when　I　am　lost　in　reverie　，　I　cannot　help　saying　to　myself　，　〃If　Albert
were　to　die　？——　Yes，　she　would　bee　——　and　I　should　be〃　——　and
so　I　pursue　a　chimera　，　till　it　leads　me　to　the　edge　of　a　precipice　at
which　I　shudder。

　　When　I　pass　through　the　same　gate　，　and　walk　along　the　same　road
which　first　conducted　me　to　Charlotte　，　my　heart　sinks　within　me　at　the
change　that　has　since　taken　place。　All，　all，　is　altered　！　No　sentiment，
no　pulsation　of　my　heart，　is　the　same。　My　sensations　are　such　as　would
occur　to　some　departed　prince　whose　spirit　should　return　to　visit　the
superb　palace　which　he　had　built　in　happy　times　，　adorned　with　costly
magnificence，　and　left　to　a　beloved　son，　but　whose　glory　he　should　find
departed，　and　its　halls　deserted　and　in　ruins。

　　SEPTEMBER　3。　I　sometimes　cannot　understand　how　she　can　love　another，
how　she　dares　love　another，　when　I　love　nothing　in　this　world　so　pletely，
so　devotedly，　as　I　love　her，　when　I　know　only　her　，　and　have　no　other
possession。

　　SEPTEMBER　4。　It　is　even　so！　As　nature　puts　on　her　autumn　tints　it
bees　autumn　with　me　and　around　me。　My　leaves　are　sere　and　yellow　，
and　the　neighbouring　trees　are　divested　of　their　foliage。　Do　you　remember
my　writing　to　you　about　a　peasant　boy　shortly　after　my　arrival　here　？
I　have　just　made　inquiries　about　him　in　Walheim。　They　say　he　has　been
dismissed　from　his　service，　and　is　now　avoided　by　every　one。　I　met　him
yesterday　on　the　road　，　going　to　a　neighbouring　village。　I　spoke　to　him，
and　he　told　me　his　story。　It　interested　me　exceedingly，　as　you　will　easily
understand　when　I　repeat　it　to　you。　But　why　should　I　trouble　you？　Why
should　I　not　reserve　all　my　sorrow　for　myself　？　Why　should　I　continue
to　give　you　occasion　to　pity　and　blame　me　？　But　no　matter：　this　also
is　part　of　my　destiny。

　　At　first　the　peasant　lad　answered　my　inquiries　with　a　sort　of　subdued
melancholy，　which　seemed　to　me　the　mark　of　a　timid　disposition　；　but，
as　we　grew　to　understand　each　other　，　he　spoke　with　less　reserve　，　and
openly　confessed　his　faults　，　and　lamented　his　misfortune。　I　wish，　my
dear　friend　，　I　could　give　proper　expression　to　his　language。　He　told
me　with　a　sort　of　pleasurable　recollection，　that　，　after　my　departure，
his　passion　for　his　mistress　increased　daily，　until　at　last　he　neither
knew　what　he　did　nor　what　he　said　，　nor　what　was　to　bee　of　him。　He
could　neither　eat　nor　drink　nor　sleep　：　he　felt　a　sense　of　suffocation
；　he　disobeyed　all　orders，　and　forgot　all　mands　involuntarily；　he
seemed　as　if　pursued　by　an　evil　spirit，　till　one　day　，　knowing　that
his　mistress　had　gone　to　an　upper　chamber　，　he　had　followed，　or　，　rather，
been　drawn　after　her。　As　she　proved　deaf　to　his　entreaties，　he　had　recourse
to　violence。　He　knows　not　what　happened　；　but　he　called　God　to　witness
that　his　intentions　to　her　were　honourable，　and　that　he　desired　nothing
more　sincerely　than　that　they　should　marry，　and　pass　their　lives　together。
When　he　had　e　to　this　point，　he　began　to　hesitate　，　as　if　there　was
something　which　he　had　not　courage　to　utter　，　till　at　length　he　acknowledged
with　some　confusion　certain　little　confidences　she　had　encouraged　，　and
liberties　she　had　allowed。　He　broke　off　two　or　three　times　in　his　narration，
and　assured　me　most　earnestly　that　he　had　no　wish　to　make　her　bad　，　as
he　termed　it，　for　he　loved　her　still　as　sincerely　as　ever；　that　the
tale　had　never　before　escaped　his　lips，　and　was　only　now　told　to　convince
me　that　he　was　not　utterly　lost　and　abandoned。　And　here　，　my　dear　friend，
I　must　mence　the　old　song　which　you　know　I　utter　eternally。　If　I　could
only　represent　the　man　as　he　stood，　and　stands　now　before　me　，　could
I　only　give　his　true　expressions，　you　would　feel　pelled　to　sympathise
in　his　fate。　But　enough　：　you，　who　know　my　misfortune　and　my　disposition，
can　easily　prehend　the　attraction　which　draws　me　toward　every　unfortunate
being　，　but　particularly　toward　him　whose　story　I　have　recounted。

　　On　perusing　this　letter　a　second　time　，　I　find　I　have　omitted　the
conclusion　of　my　tale　；　but　it　is　easily　supplied。　She　became　reserved
toward　him，　at　the　instigation　of　her　brother　who　had　long　hated　him　，
and　desired　his　expulsion　from　the　house，　fearing　that　his　sister's　second
marriage　might　deprive　his　children　of　the　handsome　fortune　they　expected
from　her；　as　she　is　childless。　He　was　dismissed　at　length；　and　the　whole
affair　occasioned　so　much　scandal　，　that　the　mistress　dared　not　take
him　back，　even　if　she　had　wished　it。　She　has　since　hired　another　servant，
with　whom　，　they　say　，　her　brother　is　equally　displeased，　and　whom
she　is　likely　to　marry；　but　my　informant　assures　me　that　he　himself　is
determined　not　to　survive　such　a　catastrophe。

　　This　story　is　neither　exaggerated　nor　embellished　：　indeed　，　I　have
weakened　and　impaired　it　in　the　narration　，　by　the　necessity　of　using
the　more　refined　expressions　of　society。

　　This　love　，　then　，　this　constancy　，　this　passion　，　is　no　poetical
fiction。　It　is　actual　，　and　dwells　in　its　greatest　purity　amongst　that
class　of　mankind　whom　we　term　rude，　uneducated。　We　are　the　educated，
not　the　perverted。　But　read　this　story　with　attention　，　I　implore　you。
I　am　tranquil　to…day，　for　I　have　been　employed　upon　this　narration　：
you　see　by　my　writing　that　I　am　not　so　agitated　as　usual。　I　read　and　re…read
this　tale　，　Wilhelm：　it　is　the　history　of　your　friend　！　My　fortune
has　been　and　will　be　similar；　and　I　am　neither　half　so　brave　nor　half
so　determined　as　the　poor　wretch　with　whom　I　hesitate　to　pare　myself。

　　SEPTEMBER　5。　Charlotte　had　written　a　letter　to　her　husband　in　the
country　，　where　he　was　detained　by　business。　It　menced，　〃My　dearest
love，　return　as　soon　as　possible　：　I　await　you　with　a　thousand　raptures。〃
A　friend　who　arrived，　brought　word　，　that　，　for　certain　reasons，　he
could　not　return　immediately。　Charlotte's　letter　was　not　forwarded，　and
the　same　evening　it　fell　into　my　hands。　I　read　it　，　and　smiled。　She　asked
the　reason。　〃What　a　heavenly　treasure　is　imagination：〃　I　exclaimed　；
〃I　fancied　for　a　moment　that　this　was　written　to　me。〃　She　paused，　and
seemed　displeased。　I　was　silent。

　　SEPTEMBER　6。　It　cost　me　much　to　part　with　the　blue　coat　which　I　wore
the　first　time　I　danced　with　Charlotte。　But　I　could　not　possibly　wear
it　any　longer。　But　I　have　ordered　a　new　one　，　precisely　similar，　even
to　the　collar　and　sleeves　，　as　well　as　a　new　waistcoat　and　pantaloons。

　　But　it　does　not　produce　the　same　effect　upon　me。　I　know　not　how　it
is，　but　I　hope　in　time　I　shall　like　it　better。

　　SEPTEMBER　12。　She　has　been　absent　for　some　days。　She　went　to　meet
Albert。　To…day　I　visited　her：　she　rose　to　receive　me　，　and　I　kissed
her　hand　most　tenderly。

　　A　canary　at　the　moment　flew　from　a　mirror　，　and　settled　upon　her
shoulder。　〃Here　is　a　new　friend　，〃　she　observed，　while　she　made　him
perch　upon　her　hand　：　〃he　is　a　present　for　the　children。　What　a　dear
he　is　！　Look　at　him！　When　I　feed　him，　he　flutters　with　his　wings　，
and　pecks　so　nicely。　He　kisses　me　，　too，　only　look！〃

　　She　held　the　bird　to　her　mouth；　and　he　pressed　her　sweet　lips　with
so　much　fervour　that　he　seemed　to　feel　the　excess　of　bliss　which　he　enjoyed。

　　〃He　shall　kiss　you　too，〃　she　added　；　and　then　she　held　the　bird
toward　me。　His　little　beak　moved　from　her　mouth　to　mine　，　and　the　delightful
sensation　seemed　like　the　forerunner　of　the　sweetest　bliss。

　　〃A　kiss　，〃　I　observed，　〃does　not　seem　to　satisfy　him：　he　wishes
for　food，　and　seems　disappointed　by　these　unsatisfactory　endearments。〃

　　〃But　he　eats　out　of　my　mouth，〃　she　continued　，　and　extended　her
lips　to　him　containing　seed　；　and　she　smiled　with　all　the　charm　of　a
being　who　has　allowed　an　innocent　participation　of　her　love。

　　I　turned　my　face　away。　She　should　not　act　thus。　She　ought　not　to　excite
my　imagination　with　such　displays　of　heavenly　innocence　and　happiness　，
nor　awaken　my　heart　from　its　slumbers　，　in　which　it　dreams　of　the　worthlessness
of　life　！　And　why　not？　Because　she　knows　how　much　I　love　her。

　　SEPTEMBER　15。　It　makes　me　wretched，　Wilhelm，　to　think　that　there
should　be　men　incapable　of　appreciating　the　few　things　which　possess　a
real　value　in　life。　You　remember　the　walnut　trees　at　S——，　under　which
I　used　to　sit　with　Charlotte，　during　my　visits　to　the　worthy　old　vicar。
Those　glorious　trees，　the　very　sight　of　which　has　so　often　filled　my
heart　with　joy，　how　they　adorned　and　refreshed　the　parsonage　yard，　with
their　wide…extended　branches！　and　how　pleasing　was　our　remembrance　of
the　good　old　pastor　，　by　whose　hands　they　were　planted　so　many　years
ago　：　The　schoolmaster　has　frequently　mentioned　his　name。　He　had　it　from
his　grandfather。　He　must　have　been　a　most　excellent　man　；　and，　under
the　shade　of　those　old　trees，　his　memory　was　ever　venerated　by　me。　The
schoolmaster　informed　us　yesterday，　with　tears　in　his　eyes　，　that　those
trees　had　been　felled。　Yes，　cut　to　the　ground！　I　could，　in　my　wrath，
have　slain　the　monster　who　struck　the　first　stroke。　And　I　must　endure
this！——　I，　who，　if　I　had　had　two　such　trees　in　my　own　court，　and
one　had　died　from　old　age　，　should　have　wept　with　real　affliction。　But
there　is　some　fort　left，　s