少年维特的烦恼-第6部分

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No：　it　is　not　the　great　and　rare　calamities　of　the　world　，　the　floods
which　sweep　away　whole　villages　，　the　earthquakes　which　swallow　up　our
towns　，　that　affect　me。　My　heart　is　wasted　by　the　thought　of　that　destructive
power　which　lies　concealed　in　every　part　of　universal　nature。　Nature　has
formed　nothing　that　does　not　consume　itself　，　and　every　object　near　it
：　so　that，　surrounded　by　earth　and　air，　and　all　the　active　powers，
I　wander　on　my　way　with　aching　heart；　and　the　universe　is　to　me　a　fearful
monster　，　for　ever　devouring　its　own　offspring。

　　AUGUST　21。　In　vain　do　I　stretch　out　my　arms　toward　her　when　I　awaken
in　the　morning　from　my　weary　slumbers。　In　vain　do　I　seek　for　her　at　night
in　my　bed　，　when　some　innocent　dream　has　happily　deceived　me　，　and　placed
her　near　me　in　the　fields　，　when　I　have　seized　her　hand　and　covered　it
with　countless　kisses。　And　when　I　feel　for　her　in　the　half　confusion　of
sleep　，　with　the　happy　sense　that　she　is　near，　tears　flow　from　my　oppressed
heart　；　and，　bereft　of　all　fort，　I　weep　over　my　future　woes。

　　AUGUST　22。　What　a　misfortune，　Wilhelm！　My　active　spirits　have　degenerated
into　contented　indolence。　I　cannot　be　idle，　and　yet　I　am　unable　to　set
to　work。　I　cannot　think　：　I　have　no　longer　any　feeling　for　the　beauties
of　nature　，　and　books　are　distasteful　to　me。　Once　we　give　ourselves　up，
we　are　totally　lost。　Many　a　time　and　oft　I　wish　I　were　a　mon　labourer
；　that　，　awakening　in　the　morning　，　I　might　have　but　one　prospect，
one　pursuit　，　one　hope　，　for　the　day　which　has　dawned。　I　often　envy
Albert　when　I　see　him　buried　in　a　heap　of　papers　and　parchments　，　and
I　fancy　I　should　be　happy　were　I　in　his　place。　Often　impressed　with　this
feeling　I　have　been　on　the　point　of　writing　to　you　and　to　the　minister，
for　the　appointment　at　the　embassy，　which　you　think　I　might　obtain。　I
believe　I　might　procure　it。　The　minister　has　long　shown　a　regard　for　me，
and　has　frequently　urged　me　to　seek　employment。　It　is　the　business　of
an　hour　only。　Now　and　then　the　fable　of　the　horse　recurs　to　me。　Weary
of　liberty，　he　suffered　himself　to　be　saddled　and　bridled，　and　was　ridden
to　death　for　his　pains。　I　know　not　what　to　determine　upon。　For　is　not
this　anxiety　for　change　the　consequence　of　that　restless　spirit　which
would　pursue　me　equally　in　every　situation　of　life？

　　AUGUST　28。　If　my　ills　would　admit　of　any　cure　，　they　would　certainly
be　cured　here。　This　is　my　birthday，　and　early　in　the　morning　I　received
a　packet　from　Albert。　Upon　opening　it　，　I　found　one　of　the　pink　ribbons
which　Charlotte　wore　in　her　dress　the　first　time　I　saw　her，　and　which
I　had　several　times　asked　her　to　give　me。　With　it　were　two　volumes　in
duodecimo　of　Wetstein's　〃Homer，〃　a　book　I　had　often　wished　for　，　to
save　me　the　inconvenience　of　carrying　the　large　Ernestine　edition　with
me　upon　my　walks。　You　see　how　they　anticipate　my　wishes　，　how　well　they
understand　all　those　little　attentions　of　friendship，　so　superior　to
the　costly　presents　of　the　great，　which　are　humiliating。　I　kissed　the
ribbon　a　thousand　times　，　and　in　every　breath　inhaled　the　remembrance
of　those　happy　and　irrevocable　days　which　filled　me　with　the　keenest　joy。
Such，　Wilhelm，　is　our　fate。　I　do　not　murmur　at　it　：　the　flowers　of
life　are　but　visionary。　How　many　pass　away，　and　leave　no　trace　behind
——　how　few　yield　any　fruit——　and　the　fruit　itself　，　how　rarely　does
it　ripen！　And　yet　there　are　flowers　enough　！　and　is　it　not　strange，
my　friend　，　that　we　should　suffer　the　little　that　does　really　ripen，
to　rot，　decay，　and　perish　unenjoyed　？　Farewell　！　This　is　a　glorious
summer。　I　often　climb　into　the　trees　in　Charlotte's　orchard　，　and　shake
down　the　pears　that　hang　on　the　highest　branches。　She　stands　below，　and
catches　them　as　they　fall。

　　AUGUST　3O。　Unhappy　being　that　I　am！　Why　do　I　thus　deceive　myself　？
What　is　to　e　of　all　this　wild，　aimless，　endless　passion？　I　cannot
pray　except　to　her。　My　imagination　sees　nothing　but　her　：　all　surrounding
objects　are　of　no　account　，　except　as　they　relate　to　her。　In　this　dreamy
state　I　enjoy　many　happy　hours，　till　at　length　I　feel　pelled　to　tear
myself　away　from　her。　Ah，　Wilhelm，　to　what　does　not　my　heart　often　pel
me！　When　I　have　spent　several　hours　in　her　pany　，　till　I　feel　pletely
absorbed　by　her　figure，　her　grace，　the　divine　expression　of　her　thoughts，
my　mind　bees　gradually　excited　to　the　highest　excess　，　my　sight　grows
dim　，　my　hearing　confused，　my　breathing　oppressed　as　if　by　the　hand
of　a　murderer　，　and　my　beating　heart　seeks　to　obtain　relief　for　my　aching
senses。　I　am　sometimes　unconscious　whether　I　really　exist。　If　in　such
moments　I　find　no　sympathy，　and　Charlotte　does　not　allow　me　to　enjoy
the　melancholy　consolation　of　bathing　her　hand　with　my　tears，　I　feel
pelled　to　tear　myself　from　her　，　when　I　either　wander　through　the
country　，　climb　some　precipitous　cliff　，　or　force　a　path　through　the
trackless　thicket　，　where　I　am　lacerated　and　torn　by　thorns　and　briers
；　and　thence　I　find　relief。　Sometimes　I　lie　stretched　on　the　ground，
overe　with　fatigue　and　dying　with　thirst　；　sometimes，　late　in　the
night　，　when　the　moon　shines　above　me，　I　recline　against　an　aged　tree
in　some　sequestered　forest，　to　rest　my　weary　limbs　，　when　，　exhausted
and　worn，　I　sleep　till　break　of　day。　O　Wilhelm　！　the　hermit's　cell，
his　sackcloth　，　and　girdle　of　thorns　would　be　luxury　and　indulgence　pared
with　what　I　suffer。　Adieu　！　I　see　no　end　to　this　wretchedness　except
the　grave。

　　SEPTEMBER　3。　I　must　away。　Thank　you　，　Wilhelm，　for　determining　my
wavering　purpose。　For　a　whole　fortnight　I　have　thought　of　leaving　her。
I　must　away。　She　has　returned　to　town　，　and　is　at　the　house　of　a　friend。
And　then，　Albert　——　yes，　I　must　go。

　　SEPTEMBER　1O。　Oh，　what　a　night　，　Wilhelm！　I　can　henceforth　bear
anything。　I　shall　never　see　her　again。　Oh　，　why　cannot　I　fall　on　your
neck，　and，　with　floods　of　tears　and　raptures，　give　utterance　to　all
the　passions　which　distract　my　heart！　Here　I　sit　gasping　for　breath，
and　struggling　to　pose　myself。　I　wait　for　day，　and　at　sunrise　the
horses　are　to　be　at　the　door。

　　And　she　is　sleeping　calmly，　little　suspecting　that　she　has　seen　me
for　the　last　time。　I　am　free。　I　have　had　the　courage，　in　an　interview
of　two　hours'　duration，　not　to　betray　my　intention。　And　O　Wilhelm，　what
a　conversation　it　was　！

　　Albert　had　promised　to　e　to　Charlotte　in　the　garden　immediately
after　supper。　I　was　upon　the　terrace　under　the　tall　chestnut　trees，　and
watched　the　setting　sun。　I　saw　him　sink　for　the　last　time　beneath　this
delightful　valley　and　silent　stream。　I　had　often　visited　the　same　spot
with　Charlotte，　and　witnessed　that　glorious　sight；　and　now——　I　was
walking　up　and　down　the　very　avenue　which　was　so　dear　to　me。　A　secret
sympathy　had　frequently　drawn　me　thither　before　I　knew　Charlotte；　and
we　were　delighted　when，　in　our　early　acquaintance，　we　discovered　that
we　each　loved　the　same　spot　，　which　is　indeed　as　romantic　as　any　that
ever　captivated　the　fancy　of　an　artist。

　　From　beneath　the　chestnut　trees　，　there　is　an　extensive　view。　But
I　remember　that　I　have　mentioned　all　this　in　a　former　letter，　and　have
described　the　tall　mass　of　beech　trees　at　the　end　，　and　how　the　avenue
grows　darker　and　darker　as　it　winds　its　way　among　them，　till　it　ends
in　a　gloomy　recess，　which　has　all　the　charm　of　a　mysterious　solitude。
I　still　remember　the　strange　feeling　of　melancholy　which　came　over　me
the　first　time　I　entered　that　dark　retreat，　at　bright　midday。　I　felt
some　secret　foreboding　that　it　would，　one　day，　be　to　me　the　scene　of
some　happiness　or　misery。

　　I　had　spent　half　an　hour　struggling　between　the　contending　thoughts
of　going　and　returning，　when　I　heard　them　ing　up　the　terrace。　I　ran
to　meet　them。　I　trembled　as　I　took　her　hand　，　and　kissed　it。　As　we　reached
the　top　of　the　terrace，　the　moon　rose　from　behind　the　wooded　hill。　We
conversed　on　many　subjects，　and，　without　perceiving　it，　approached
the　gloomy　recess。　Charlotte　entered，　and　sat　down。　Albert　seated　himself
beside　her。　I　did　the　same，　but　my　agitation　did　not　suffer　me　to　remain
long　seated。　I　got　up　，　and　stood　before　her　，　then　walked　backward
and　forward　，　and　sat　down　again。　I　was　restless　and　miserable。　Charlotte
drew　our　attention　to　the　beautiful　effect　of　the　moonlight　，　which　threw
a　silver　hue　over　the　terrace　in　front　of　us，　beyond　the　beech　trees。
It　was　a　glorious　sight　，　and　was　rendered　more　striking　by　the　darkness
which　surrounded　the　spot　where　we　were。　We　remained　for　some　time　silent，
when　Charlotte　observed　，　〃Whenever　I　walk　by　moonlight，　it　brings　to
my　remembrance　all　my　beloved　and　departed　friends，　and　I　am　filled　with
thoughts　of　death　and　futurity。　We　shall　live　again　，　Werther！〃　she
continued　，　with　a　firm　but　feeling　voice；　〃but　shall　we　know　one　another
again　what　do　you　think　？　what　do　you　say？〃

　　〃Charlotte，〃　I　said，　as　I　took　her　hand　in　mine　，　and　my　eyes　filled
with　tears，　〃we　shall　see　each　other　again　——　here　and　hereafter　we
shall　meet　again。〃　I　could　say　no　more。　Why　，　Wilhelm，　should　she　put
this　question　to　me　，　just　at　the　monent　when　the　fear　of　our　cruel　separation
filled　my　heart　？

　　〃And　oh　！　do　those　departed　ones　know　how　we　are　employed　here　？
do　they　know　when　we　are　well　and　happy　？　do　they　know　when　we　recall
their　memories　with　the　fondest　love？　In　the　silent　hour　of　evening　the
shade　of　my　mother　hovers　around　me　；　when　seated　in　the　midst　of　my
children，　I　see　them　assembled　near　me　，　as　they　used　to　assemble　near
her　；　and　then　I　raise　my　anxious　eyes　to　heaven　，　and　wish　she　could
look　down　upon　us　，　and　witness　how　I　fulfil　the　promise　I　made　to　her
in　her　last　moments　，　to　be　a　mother　to　her　children。　With　what　emotion
do　I　then　exclaim　，　'Pardon，　dearest　of　mothers　，　pardon　me，　if　I
do　not　adequately　supply　your　place　！　Alas　！　I　do　my　utmost。　They　are
clothed　and　fed　；　and，　still　better　，　they　are　loved　and　educated。
Could　you　but　see　，　sweet　saint！　the　peace　and　harmony　that　dwells　amongst
us，　you　would　glorify　God　with　the　warmest　feelings　of　gratitude　，　to
whom，　in　your　last　hour，　you　addressed　such　fervent　prayers　for　our
happiness。'〃　Thus　did　she　express　herself　；　but　O　Wilhelm！　who　can　do
justice　to　her　language　？　how　can　cold　and　passionless　words　convey　the
heavenly　expressions　of　the　spirit？　Albert　interrupted　her　gently。　〃This
affects　you　too　deeply，　my　dear　Charlotte。　I　know　your　soul　dwells　on
such　recollections　wlth　intense　delight　；　but　I　implore——　〃　〃O　Albert！
〃　she　continued　，　〃I　am　sure　you　do　not　forget　the　evenings　when　we　three
used　to　sit　at　the　little　round　table　，　when　papa　was　absent　，　and　the
little　ones　had　retired。　You　often　had　a　good　book　with　you　，　but　seldom
read　it　；　the　conversation　of　that　noble　being　was　preferable　to　everything，
——　that　beautiful　，　bright　，　gentle　，　and　yet　ever…toiling　woman。
God　alone　knows　how　I　have　supplicated　with　tears　on　my　nightly　couch　，
that　I　might　be　like　her。〃

　　I　threw　myself　at　her　feet，　and，　seizing　her　hand　，　bedewed　it
with　a　thousand　tears。　〃Charlotte　！〃　I　exclaimed　，　〃God's　blessing　and
your　mother's　spirit　are　upon　you。〃　〃Oh　！　that　you　had　known　her　，〃
she　said，　with　a　warm　pressure　of　the　hand。　〃She　was　worthy　of　being
known　to　you。〃　I　thought　I　should　have　fainted：　never　had　I　received
praise　so　flattering。　She　continued　，　〃And　yet　she　was　doomed　to　die
in　the　flower　of　her　youth，　when　her　youngest　child　was　scarcely　six
months　old。　Her　illness　was　but　short　，　but　she　was　calm　and　resigned
；　and　it　was　only　for　her　children　，　especially　the　youngest，　that
she　felt　unhappy。　When　her　end　drew　nigh，　she　bade　me　bring　them　to　her。
I　obeyed。　The　younger　ones　knew　nothing　of　their　approaching　loss　，　while
the　elder　ones　were　quite　overe　with　grief。　They　stood　around　the　bed
；　and　she　raised　her　feeble　hands　to　heaven，　and　prayed　over　them　；
then，　kissing　them　in　turn　，　she　dismissed　them　，　and　said　to　me　，
'Be　you　a　mother　to　them。'　I　gave　her　my　hand。　'You　are　promising　much，
my　child，'　she　said：　'a　mother's　fondness　and　a　mother's　care　！　I　have
often　witnessed　，　by　your　tears　of　gratitude　，　that　you　know　what　is
a　mother's　tenderness　：　show　it　to　your　brothers　and　sisters　，　and　be
dutiful　and　faithful　to　your　father　as　a　wife　；　you　will　be　his　fort。'
She　inquired　for　him。　He　had　retired　to　conceal　his　intolerable　anguish，
——　he　was　heartbroken　，　〃Albert，　you　were　in　the　room。　She　heard　some
one　moving：　she　inquired　who　it　was，　and　desired　you　to　approach。　She
surveyed　us　both　with　a　look　of　posure　and　satisfaction，　expressive
of　her　conviction　that　we　should　be　happy　，——　happy　with　one　another。〃
Albert　fell　upon　her　neck　，　and　kissed　her　，　and　exclaimed，　〃We　are
so，　and　we　shall　be　so　！〃　Even　Albert　，　generally　so　tranquil，　had
quite　lost　his　posure；　and　I　was　excited　beyond　expression。

　　〃And　such　a　being　，〃　She　continued　，　〃was　to　leave　us　，　Werther！
Great　God　，　must　we　thus　part　with　everything　we　hold　dear　in　this　world？
Nobody　felt　this　more　acutely　than　the　children　：　they　cried　and　lamented
for　a　long　time　afterward　，　plaining　that　men　had　carried　away　their
dear　mamma。〃

　　Charlotte　rose。　It　aroused　me　；　but　I　continued　sitting，　and　held
her　hand。　〃Let　us　go，〃　she　said：　〃it　grows　late。〃　She　attempted　to　withdraw
her　hand：　I　held　it　still。　〃We　shall　see　each　other　again，〃　I　exclaimed
：　〃we　shall　recognise　each　other　under　every　possible　change　！　I　am
going　，〃　I　continued　，　〃going　willingly　；　but，　should　I　say　for　ever，
perhaps　I　may　not　keep　my　word。　Adieu　，　Charlotte；　adieu，　Albert。　We
shall　meet　again。〃　〃Yes　：　tomorrow　，　I　think，〃　she　answered　with　a
smile。　Tomorrow　！　how　I　felt　the　word！　Ah　！　she　little　thought　，　when
she　drew　her　hand　away　from　mine。　They　walked　down　the　avenue。　I　stood
gazing　after　them　in　the　moonlight。　I　threw　myself　upon　the　ground，　and
wept：　I　then　sprang　up　，　and　ran　out　upon　the　terrace　，　and　saw，　under
the　shade　of　the　linden…trees　，　her　white　dress　disappearing　near　the
garden…gate。　I　stretched　out　my　arms，　and　she　vanished。

　　BOOK　II。

　　OCTOBER　2O。　We　arrived　here　yesterday。　The　ambassador　is　indisposed，
and　will　not　go　out　for　some　days。　If　he　were　less　peevish　and　morose　，
all　would　be　well。　I　see　but　too　plainly　that　Heaven　has　destined　me　to
severe　trials　；　but　courage！　a　light　heart　may　bear　anything。　A　light
heart　！　I　smile　to　find　such　a　word　proceeding　from　my　pen。　A　little
more　lightheartedness　would　render　me　the　happiest　being　under　the　sun。
But　must　I　despair　of　my　talents　and　faculties，　whilst　others　of　far
inferior　abilities　parade　before　me　with　the　utmost　self…satisfaction　？
Gracious　Providence　，　to　whom　I　owe　all　my　powers，　why　didst　thou　not
withhold　some　of　those　blessings　I　possess，　and　substitute　in　their　place
a　feeling　of　self…confidence　and　contentment？

　　But　patience！　all　will　yet　be　well　；　for　I　assure　you　，　my　dear
friend，　you　were　right　：　since　I　have　been　obliged　to　associate　continually
with　other　people　，　and　observe　what　they　do　，　and　how　they　employ　themselves，
I　have　bee　far　better　satisfied　with　myself。　For　we　are　so　constituted
by　nature　，　that　we　are　ever　prone　to　pare　ourselves　with　others；
and　our　happiness　or　misery　depends　very　much　on　the　objects　and　persons
around　us。　On　this　account，　nothing　is　more　dangerous　than　solitude：
there　our　imagination　，　always　disposed　to　rise，　taking　a　new　flight
on　the　wings　of　fancy　，　pictures　to　us　a　chain　of　beings　of　whom　we　seem
the　most　inferior。　All　things　appear　greater　than　they　really　are　，　and
all　seem　superior　to　us。　This　operation　of　the　mind　is　quite　natural：
we　so　continually　feel　our　own　imperfections，　and　fancy　we　perceive　in
others　the　qualities　we　do　not　possess，　attributing　to　them　also　all
that　we　enjoy　ourselves　，　that　by　this　process　we　form　the　idea　of　a
perfect　，　happy　man，——　a　man，　however，　who　only　exists　in　our　own
imagination。　But　when　，　in　spite　of　weakness　and　disappointments　，　we
set　to　work　in　earnest，　and　persevere　steadily　，　we　often　find，　that，
though　obliged　continually　to　tack，　we　make　more　way　than　others　who
have　the　assistance　of　wind　and　tide；　and，　in　truth　，　there　can　be
no　greater　satisfaction　than　to　keep　pace　with　others　or　outstrip　them
in　the　race。

　　NOVEMBER　26。　I　begin　to　find　my　situation　here　more　tolerable　，　considering
all　circumstances。　I　find　a　great　advantage　in　being　much　occupied；　and
the　number　of　persons　I　meet，　and　their　different　pursuits　，　create
a　varied　entertainment　for　me。　I　have　formed　the　acquaintance　of　the　Count
C　——　and　I　esteem　him　more　and　more　every　day。　He　is　a　man　of　strong
understanding　and　great　discernment　；　but，　though　he　sees　farther　than
other　people，　he　is　not　on　that　account　cold　in　his　manner　，　but　capable
of　inspiring　and　returning　the　warmest　affection。　He　appeared　interested
in　me　on　one　occasion　，　when　I　had　to　transact　some　business　with　him。
He　perceived，　at　the　first　word，　that　we　understood　each　other，　and
that　he　could　converse　with　me　in　a　different　tone　from　what　he　used　with
others。　I　cannot　sufficiently　esteem　his　frank　and　open　kindness　to　me。
It　is　the　greatest　and　most　genuine　of　pleasures　to　observe　a　great　mind
in　sympathy　with　our　own。

　　DECEMBER　24。　As　I　anticipated　，　the　ambassador　occasions　me　infinite
annoyance。　He　is　the　most　punctilious　blockhead　under　heaven。　He　does
everything　step　by　step　，　with　the　trifling　minuteness　of　an　old　woman
；　and　he　is　a　man　whom　it　is　impossible　to　please，　because　he　is　never
pleased　with　himself。　I　like　to　do　business　regularly　and　cheerfully，
and　，　when　it　is　finished，　to　leave　it。　But　he　constantly　returns　my
papers　to　me，　saying　，　〃They　will　do，〃　but　remending　me　to　look
over　them　again　，　as　〃one　may　always　improve　by　using　a　better　word　or
a　more　appropriate　particle。〃　I　then　lose　all　patience，　and　wish　myself
at　the　devil's。　Not　a　conjunction　，　not　an　adverb，　must　be　omitted：
he　has　a　deadly　antipathy　to　all　those　transpositions　of　which　I　am　so
fond；　and，　if　the　music　of　our　periods　is　not　tuned　to　the　established，
official　key，　he　cannot　prehend　our　meaning。　It　is　deplorable　to　be
connected　with　such　a　fellow。

　　My　acquaintance　with　the　Count　C——　is　the　only　pensation　for
such　an　evil。　He　told　me　frankly，　the　other　day，　that　he　was　much　displeased
with　the　difficulties　and　delays　of　the　ambassador；　that　people　like
him　are　obstacles　，　both　to　themselves　and　to　others。　〃But　，〃　added
he，　〃one　must　submit　，　like　a　traveller　who　has　to　ascend　a　mountain
：　if　the　mountain　was　not　there，　the　road　would　be　both　shorter　and
pleasanter；　but　there　it　is，　and　he　must　get　over　it。〃　The　old　man　perceives
the　count's　partiality　for　me　：　this　annoys　him，　and，　he　seizes　every
opportunity　to　depreciate　the　count　in　my　hearing。　I　naturally　defend
him　，　and　that　only　makes　matters　worse。　Yesterday　he　made　me　indignant，
for　he　also　alluded　to　me。　〃Th