少年维特的烦恼-第4部分

快捷操作: 按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页 按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页 按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部! 如果本书没有阅读完，想下次继续接着阅读，可使用上方 "收藏到我的浏览器" 功能 和 "加入书签" 功能！


vanity　engenders。　We　see　people　happy　，　whom　we　have　not　made　so　，　and
cannot　endure　the　sight。〃　Charlotte　looked　at　me　with　a　smile　；　she　observed
the　emotion　with　which　I　spoke：　and　a　tear　in　the　eyes　of　Frederica　stimulated
me　to　proceed。　〃Woe　unto　those，〃　I　said，　〃who　use　their　power　over　a
human　heart　to　destroy　the　simple　pleasures　it　would　naturally　enjoy！
All　the　favours　，　all　the　attentions　，　in　the　world　cannot　pensate
for　the　loss　of　that　happiness　which　a　cruel　tyranny　has　destroyed。〃　My
heart　was　full　as　I　spoke。　A　recollection　of　many　things　which　had　happened
pressed　upon　my　mind，　and　filled　my　eyes　with　tears。　〃We　should　daily
repeat　to　ourselves　，〃　I　exclaimed　，　〃that　we　should　not　interfere　with
our　friends　，　unless　to　leave　them　in　possession　of　their　own　joys　，
and　increase　their　happiness　by　sharing　it　with　them！　But　when　their
souls　are　tormented　by　a　violent　passion，　or　their　hearts　rent　with　grief，
is　it　in　your　power　to　afford　them　the　slightest　consolation？

　　〃And　when　the　last　fatal　malady　seizes　the　being　whose　untimely　grave
you　have　prepared　，　when　she　lies　languid　and　exhausted　before　you　，
her　dim　eyes　raised　to　heaven　，　and　the　damp　of　death　upon　her　pallid
brow，　there　you　stand　at　her　bedside　like　a　condemned　criminal　，　with
the　bitter　feeling　that　your　whole　fortune　could　not　save　her　；　and　the
agonising　thought　wrings　you，　that　all　your　efforts　are　powerless　to
impart　even　a　moment's　strength　to　the　departing　soul　，　or　quicken　her
with　a　transitory　consolation。〃

　　At　these　words　the　remembrance　of　a　similar　scene　at　which　I　had　been
once　present　fell　with　full　force　upon　my　heart。　I　buried　my　face　in　my
handkerchief，　and　hastened　from　the　room　，　and　was　only　recalled　to
my　recollection　by　Charlotte's　voice，　who　reminded　me　that　it　was　time
to　return　home。　With　what　tenderness　she　chid　me　on　the　way　for　the　too
eager　interest　I　took　in　everything　！　She　declared　it　would　do　me　injury，
and　that　I　ought　to　spare　myself。　Yes　，　my　angel　！　I　will　do　so　for
your　sake。

　　JULY　6。　She　is　still　with　her　dying　friend，　and　is　still　the　same
bright，　beautiful　creature　whose　presence　softens　pain　，　and　sheds　happiness
around　whichever　way　she　turns。　She　went　out　yesterday　with　her　little
sisters　：　I　knew　it，　and　went　to　meet　them；　and　we　walked　together。
In　about　an　hour　and　a　half　we　returned　to　the　town。　We　stopped　at　the
spring　I　am　so　fond　of，　and　which　is　now　a　thousand　times　dearer　to　me
than　ever。　Charlotte　seated　herself　upon　the　low　wall　，　and　we　gathered
about　her。　I　looked　around，　and　recalled　the　time　when　my　heart　was　unoccupied
and　free。　〃Dear　fountain！〃　I　said，　〃since　that　time　I　have　no　more　e
to　enjoy　cool　repose　by　thy　fresh　stream：　I　have　passed　thee　with　careless
steps　，　and　scarcely　bestowed　a　glance　upon　thee。〃　I　looked　down　，　and
observed　Charlotte's　little　sister，　Jane　，　ing　up　the　steps　with
a　glass　of　water。　I　turned　toward　Charlotte　，　and　I　felt　her　influence
over　me。　Jane　at　the　moment　approached　with　the　glass。　Her　sister　，　Marianne，
wished　to　take　it　from　her。　〃No　！〃　cried　the　child　，　with　the　sweetest
expression　of　face，　〃Charlotte　must　drink　first。〃

　　The　affection　and　simplicity　with　which　this　was　uttered　so　charmed
me，　that　I　sought　to　express　my　feelings　by　catching　up　the　child　and
kissing　her　heartily。　She　was　frightened，　and　began　to　cry。　〃You　should
not　do　that　，〃　said　Charlotte：　I　felt　perplexed。　〃e，　Jane　，〃　she
continued　，　taking　her　hand，　and　leading　her　down　the　steps　again　，
〃it　is　no　matter：　wash　yourself　quickly　in　the　fresh　water。〃　I　stood
and　watched　them；　and　when　I　saw　the　little　dear　rubbing　her　cheeks　with
her　wet　hands　，　in　full　belief　that　all　the　impurities　contracted　from
my　ugly　beard　would　be　washed　off　by　the　miraculous　water　，　and　how，
though　Charlotte　said　it　would　do　，　she　continued　still　to　wash　with
all　her　might　，　as　though　she　thought　too　much　were　better　than　too　little，
I　assure　you，　Wilhelm，　I　never　attended　a　baptism　with　greater　reverence
；　and，　when　Charlotte　came　up　from　the　well　，　I　could　have　prostrated
myself　as　before　the　prophet　of　an　Eastern　nation。

　　In　the　evening　I　would　not　resist　telling　the　story　to　a　person　who，
I　thought　，　possessed　some　natural　feeling　，　because　he　was　a　man　of
understanding。　But　what　a　mistake　I　made。　He　maintained　it　was　very　wrong
of　Charlotte，　that　we　should　not　deceive　children，　that　such　things
occasioned　countless　mistakes　and　superstitions　，　from　which　we　were
bound　to　protect　the　young。　It　occurred　to　me　then，　that　this　very　man
had　been　baptised　only　a　week　before；　so　I　said　nothing　further，　but
maintained　the　justice　of　my　own　convictions。　We　should　deal　with　children
as　God　deals　with　us，　we　are　happiest　under　the　influence　of　innocent
delusions。

　　JULY　8。　What　a　child　is　man　that　he　should　be　so　solicitous　about
a　look！　What　a　child　is　man！　We　had　been　to　Walheim　：　the　ladies　went
in　a　carriage　；　but　during　our　walk　I　thought　I　saw　in　Charlotte's　dark
eyes——　I　am　a　fool——　but　forgive　me　！　you　should　see　them，——　those
eyes。　——　However，　to　be　brief（for　my　own　eyes　are　weighed　down　with
sleep　），　you　must　know，　when　the　ladies　stepped　into　their　carriage
again　，　young　W。　Seldstadt　，　Andran　，　and　I　were　standing　about　the
door。　They　are　a　merry　set　of　fellows　，　and　they　were　all　laughing　and
joking　together。　I　watched　Charlotte's　eyes。　They　wandered　from　one　to
the　other　；　but　they　did　not　light　on　me　，　on　me，　who　stood　there　motionless，
and　who　saw　nothing　but　her　！　My　heart　bade　her　a　thousand　times　adieu，
but　she　noticed　me　not。　The　carriage　drove　off；　and　my　eyes　filled　with
tears。　I　looked　after　her　：　suddenly　I　saw　Charlotte's　bon　leaning
out　of　the　window　，　and　she　turned　to　look　back，　was　it　at　me　？　My
dear　friend　，　I　know　not　；　and　in　this　uncertainty　I　find　consolation。
Perhaps　she　turned　to　look　at　me。　Perhaps　！　Good…night　——　what　a　child
I　am！

　　JULY　lO。　You　should　see　how　foolish　I　look　in　pany　when　her　name
is　mentioned，　particularly　when　I　am　asked　plainly　how　I　like　her。　How
I　like　her！　I　detest　the　phrase。　What　sort　of　creature　must　he　be　who
merely　liked　Charlotte，　whose　whole　heart　and　senses　were　not　entirely
absorbed　by　her。　Like　her　！　Some　one　asked　me　lately　how　I　liked　Ossian。

　　JULY　11。　Madame　M　——　is　very　ill。　I　pray　for　her　recovery　，　because
Charlotte　shares　my　sufferings。　I　see　her　occasionally　at　my　friend's
house　，　and　to…day　she　has　told　me　the　strangest　circumstance。　Old　M
——　is　a　covetous，　miserly　fellow　，　who　has　long　worried　and　annoyed
the　poor　lady　sadly　；　but　she　has　borne　her　afflictions　patiently。　A
few　days　ago，　when　the　physician　informed　us　that　her　recovery　was　hopeless，
she　sent　for　her　husband（Charlotte　was　present　），　and　addressed　him
thus：　〃I　have　something　to　confess　，　which，　after　my　decease　，　may
occasion　trouble　and　confusion。　I　have　hitherto　conducted　your　household
as　frugally　and　economically　as　possible，　but　you　must　pardon　me　for
having　defrauded　you　for　thirty　years。　At　the　mencement　of　our　married
life，　you　allowed　a　small　sum　for　the　wants　of　the　kitchen　，　and　the
other　household　expenses。　When　our　establishment　increased　and　our　property
grew　larger　，　I　could　not　persuade　you　to　increase　the　weekly　allowance
in　proportion　：　in　short　，　you　know　，　that　，　when　our　wants　were　greatest，
you　required　me　to　supply　everything　with　seven　florins　a　week。　I　took
the　money　from　you　without　an　observation　，　but　made　up　the　weekly　deficiency
from　the　money…chest；　as　nobody　would　suspect　your　wife　of　robbing　the
household　bank。　But　I　have　wasted　nothing　，　and　should　have　been　content
to　meet　my　eternal　Judge　without　this　confession，　if　she　，　upon　whom
the　management　of　your　establishment　will　devolve　after　my　decease，　would
be　free　from　embarrassment　upon　your　insisting　that　the　allowance　made
to　me　，　your　former　wife　，　was　sufficient。〃

　　I　talked　with　Charlotte　of　the　inconceivable　manner　in　which　men　allow
themselves　to　be　blinded；　how　any　one　could　avoid　suspecting　some　deception，
when　seven　florins　only　were　allowed　to　defray　expenses　twice　as　great。
But　I　have　myself　known　people　who　believed　，　without　any　visible　astonishment，
that　their　house　possessed　the　prophet's　never…failing　cruse　of　oil。

　　JULY　13。　No　，　I　am　not　deceived。　In　her　dark　eyes　I　read　a　genuine
interest　in　me　and　in　my　fortunes。　Yes，　I　feel　it；　and　I　may　believe
my　own　heart　which　tells　me　——　dare　I　say　it？——　dare　I　pronounce
the　divine　words？——　that　she　loves　me！

　　That　she　loves　me　！　How　the　idea　exalts　me　in　my　own　eyes！　And，
as　you　can　understand　my　feelings　，　I　may　say　to　you　，　how　I　honour
myself　since　she　loves　me　！

　　Is　this　presumption　，　or　is　it　a　consciousness　of　the　truth？　I　do
not　know　a　man　able　to　supplant　me　in　the　heart　of　Charlotte；　and　yet
when　she　speaks　of　her　betrothed　with　so　much　warmth　and　affection，　I
feel　like　the　soldier　who　has　been　stripped　of　his　honours　and　titles　，
and　deprived　of　his　sword。

　　JULY　16。　How　my　heart　beats　when　by　accident　I　touch　her　finger　，
or　my　feet　meet　hers　under　the　table！　I　draw　back　as　if　from　a　furnace
；　but　a　secret　force　impels　me　forward　again　，　and　my　senses　bee
disordered。　Her　innocent，　unconscious　heart　never　knows　what　agony　these
little　familiarities　inflict　upon　me。　Sometimes　when　we　are　talking　she
Iays　her　hand　upon　mine　，　and　in　the　eagerness　of　conversation　es
closer　to　me，　and　her　balmy　breath　reaches　my　lips　，——　when　I　feel
as　if　lightning　had　struck　me　，　and　that　I　could　sink　into　the　earth。
And　yet　，　Wilhelm，　with　all　this　heavenly　confidence，——　if　I　know
myself，　and　should　ever　dare　——　you　understand　me。　No，　no　！　my　heart
is　not　so　corrupt　，　it　is　weak　，　weak　enough　but　is　not　that　a　degree
of　corruption　？

　　She　is　to　me　a　sacred　being。　All　passion　is　still　in　her　presence
：　I　cannot　express　my　sensations　when　I　am　near　her。　I　feel　as　if　my
soul　beat　in　every　nerve　of　my　body。　There　is　a　melody　which　she　plays
on　the　piano　with　angelic　skill　，——　so　simple　is　it，　and　yet　so　spiritual！
It　is　her　favourite　air　；　and，　when　she　plays　the　first　note，　all　pain，
care，　and　sorrow　disappear　from　me　in　a　moment。

　　I　believe　every　word　that　is　said　of　the　magic　of　ancient　music。　How
her　simple　song　enchants　me　！　Sometimes，　when　I　am　ready　to　mit　suicide，
she　sings　that　air；　and　instantly　the　gloom　and　madness　which　hung　over
me　are　dispersed，　and　I　breathe　freely　again。

　　JULY　18。　Wilhelm，　what　is　the　world　to　our　hearts　without　love　？
What　is　a　magic…lantern　without　light　？　You　have　but　to　kindle　the　flame
within，　and　the　brightest　figures　shine　on　the　white　wall；　and，　if
love　only　show　us　fleeting　shadows，　we　are　yet　happy　，　when　，　like
mere　children　，　we　behold　them　，　and　are　transported　with　the　splendid
phantoms。　I　have　not　been　able　to　see　Charlotte　to…day。　I　was　prevented
by　pany　from　which　I　could　not　disengage　myself。　What　was　to　be　done？
I　sent　my　servant　to　her　house，　that　I　might　at　least　see　somebody　to…day
who　had　been　near　her。　Oh　，　the　impatience　with　which　I　waited　for　his
return！　the　joy　with　which　I　weled　him！　I　should　certainly　have　caught
him　in　my　arms，　and　kissed　him　，　if　I　had　not　been　ashamed。

　　It　is　said　that　the　Bonona　stone，　when　placed　in　the　sun　，　attracts
the　rays，　and　for　a　time　appears　luminous　in　the　dark。　So　was　it　with
me　and　this　servant。　The　idea　that　Charlotte's　eyes　had　dwelt　on　his　countenance，
his　cheek　，　his　very　apparel　，　endeared　them　all　inestimably　to　me，
so　that　at　the　moment　I　would　not　have　parted　from　him　for　a　thousand
crowns。　His　presence　made　me　so　happy　！　Beware　of　laughing　at　me　，　Wilhelm。
Can　that　be　a　delusion　which　makes　us　happy　？

　　JULY　19。　〃I　shall　see　her　today　！〃　I　exclaim　with　delight，　when
I　rise　in　the　morning　，　and　look　out　with　gladness　of　heart　at　the　bright，
beautiful　sun。　〃I　shall　see　her　today　！〃　And　then　I　have　no　further　wish
to　form　：　all，　all　is　included　in　that　one　thought。

　　JULY　2O。　I　cannot　assent　to　your　proposal　that　I　should　acpany
the　ambassador　to　_______。　I　do　not　love　subordination；　and　we　all　know
that　he　is　a　rough，　disagreeable　person　to　be　connected　with。　You　say
my　mother　wishes　me　to　be　employed。　I　could　not　help　laughing　at　that。
Am　I　not　sufficiently　employed？　And　is　it　not　in　reality　the　same，　whether
I　shell　peas　or　count　lentils　？　The　world　runs　on　from　one　folly　to　another
；　and　the　man　who，　solely　from　regard　to　the　opinion　of　others，　and
without　any　wish　or　necessity　of　his　own，　toils　after　gold　，　honour　，
or　any　other　phantom，　is　no　better　than　a　fool。

　　JULY　24。　You　insist　so　much　on　my　not　neglecting　my　drawing　，　that
it　would　be　as　well　for　me　to　say　nothing　as　to　confess　how　little　I　have
lately　done。

　　I　never　felt　happier，　I　never　understood　nature　better　，　even　down
to　the　veriest　stem　or　smallest　blade　of　grass；　and　yet　I　am　unable　to
express　myself：　my　powers　of　execution　are　so　weak　，　everything　seems
to　swim　and　float　before　me　，　so　that　I　cannot　make　a　clear，　bold　outline。
But　I　fancy　I　should　succeed　better　if　I　had　some　clay　or　wax　to　model。
I　shall　try　，　if　this　state　of　mind　continues　much　longer，　and　will
take　to　modelling　，　if　I　only　knead　dough。

　　I　have　menced　Charlotte's　portrait　three　times　，　and　have　as　often
disgraced　myself。　This　is　the　more　annoying　，　as　I　was　formerly　very
happy　in　taking　likenesses。　I　have　since　sketched　her　profile　，　and　must
content　myself　with　that。

　　JULY　25。　Yes，　dear　Charlotte　！　I　will　order　and　arrange　everything。
Only　give　me　more　missions　，　the　more　the　better。　One　thing　，　however，
I　must　request：　use　no　more　writing…sand　with　the　dear　notes　you　send
me。　Today　I　raised　your　letter　hastily　to　my　lips　，　and　it　set　my　teeth
on　edge。

　　JULY　26。　I　have　often　determined　not　to　see　her　so　frequently。　But
who　could　keep　such　a　resolution？　Every　day　I　am　exposed　to　the　temptation，
and　promise　faithfully　that　to…morrow　I　will　really　stay　away　：　but，
when　tomorrow　es　，　I　find　some　irresistible　reason　for　seeing　her
；　and，　before　I　can　account　for　it，　I　am　with　her　again。　Either　she
has　said　on　the　previous　evening　〃You　will　be　sure　to　call　to…morrow，
〃　——　and　who　could　stay　away　then　？——or　she　gives　me　some　mission，
and　I　find　it　essential　to　take　her　the　answer　in　person；　or　the　day
is　fine　，　and　I　walk　to　Walheim；　and，　when　I　am　there，　it　is　only
half　a　league　farther　to　her。　I　am　within　the　charmed　atmosphere，　and
soon　find　myself　at　her　side。　My　grandmother　used　to　tell　us　a　story　of
a　mountain　of　loadstone。　When　any　vessels　came　near　it，　they　were　instantly
deprived　of　their　ironwork：　the　nails　flew　to　the　mountain　，　and　the
unhappy　crew　perished　amidst　the　disjointed　planks。

　　JULY　30。　Albert　is　arrived，　and　I　must　take　my　departure。　Were　he
the　best　and　noblest　of　men　，　and　I　in　every　respect　his　inferior，　I
could　not　endure　to　see　him　in　possession　of　such　a　perfect　being。　Possession！
——　enough　，　Wilhelm：　her　betrothed　is　here，——　a　fine　，　worthy
fellow，　whom　one　cannot　help　liking。　Fortunately　I　was　not　present　at
their　meeting。　It　would　have　broken　my　heart！　And　he　is　so　considerate
：　he　has　not　given　Charlotte　one　kiss　in　my　presence。　Heaven　reward　him
for　it！　I　must　love　him　for　the　respect　with　which　he　treats　her。　He
shows　a　regard　for　me　，　but　for　this　I　suspect　I　am　more　indebted　to
Charlotte　than　to　his　own　fancy　for　me。　Women　have　a　delicate　tact　in
such　matters，　and　it　should　be　so。　They　cannot　always　succeed　in　keeping
two　rivals　on　terms　with　each　other　；　but，　when　they　do　，　they　are
the　only　gainers。

　　I　cannot　help　esteeming　Albert。　The　coolness　of　his　temper　contrasts
strongly　with　the　impetuosity　of　mine　，　which　I　cannot　conceal。　He　has
a　great　deal　of　feeling　，　and　is　fully　sensible　of　the　treasure　he　possesses
in　Charlotte。　He　is　free　from　ill…humour，　which　you　know　is　the　fault
I　detest　most。

　　He　regards　me　as　a　man　of　sense　；　and　my　attachment　to　Charlotte　，
and　the　interest　I　take　in　all　that　concerns　her，　augment　his　triumph
and　his　love。　I　shall　not　inquire　whether　he　may　not　at　times　tease　her
with　some　little　jealousies　；　as　I　know，　that　，　were　I　in　his　place，
I　should　not　be　entirely　free　from　such　sensations。

　　But　，　be　that　as　it　may，　my　pleasure　with　Charlotte　is　over。　Call
it　folly　or　infatuation　，　what　signifies　a　name？　The　thing　speaks　for
itself。　Before　Albert　came，　I　knew　all　that　I　know　now。　I　knew　I　could
make　no　pretensions　to　her，　nor　did　I　offer　any，　that　is，　as　far　as
it　was　possible　，　in　the　presence　of　so　much　loveliness，　not　to　pant
for　its　enjoyment。　And　now，　behold　me　like　a　silly　fellow，　staring　with
astonishment　when　another　es　in，　and　deprives　me　of　my　love。

　　I　bite　my　lips，　and　feel　infinite　scorn　for　those　who　tell　me　to
be　resigned　，　because　there　is　no　help　for　it。　Let　me　escape　from　the
yoke　of　such　silly　subterfuges！　I　ramble　through　the　woods　；　and　when
I　return　to　Charlotte　，　and　find　Albert　sitting　by　her　side　in　the　summer…house
in　the　garden　，　I　am　unable　to　bear　it　，　behave　like　a　fool　，　and　mit
a　thousand　extravagances。　〃For　Heaven's　sake，〃　said　Charlotte　today，
〃let　us　have　no　more　scenes　like　those　of　last　night！　You　terrify　me
when　you　are　so　violent。〃　Between　ourselves　，　I　am　always　away　now　when
he　visits　her　：　and　I　feel　delighted　when　I　find　her　alone。

　　AUGUST　8。　Believe　me，　dear　Wilhelm　，　I　did　not　allude　to　you　when
I　spoke　so　severely　of　those　who　advise　resignation　to　inevitable　fate。
I　did　not　think　it　possible　for　you　to　indulge　such　a　sentiment。　But　in
fact　you　are　right。　I　only　suggest　one　objection。　In　this　world　one　is
seldom　reduced　to　make　a　selection　between　two　alternatives。　There　are
as　many　varieties　of　conduct　and　opinion　as　there　are　turns　of　feature
between　an　aquiline　nose　and　a　flat　one。

　　You　will，　therefore，　permit　me　to　concede　your　entire　argument，
and　yet　contrive　means　to　escape　your　dilemma。

　　Your　position　is　this　，　I　hear　you　say　：　〃Either　you　have　hopes
of　obtaining　Charlotte，　or　you　have　none。　Well　，　in　the　first　case，
pursue　your　course，　and　press　on　to　the　fulfilment　of　your　wishes。　In
the　second，　be　a　man　，　and　shake　off　a　miserable　passion，　which　will
enervate　and　destroy　you。〃　My　dear　friend　，　this　is　well　and　easily　said。

　　But　would　you　require　a　wretched　being，　whose　life　is　slowly　wasting
under　a　lingering　disease　，　to　despatch　himself　at　once　by　the　stroke
of　a　dagger　？　Does　not　the　very　disorder　which　consumes　his　strength
deprive　him　of　the　courage　to　effect　his　deliverance？

　　You　may　answer　me　，　if　you　please，　with　a　similar　analogy　，　〃Who
would　not　prefer　the　amputation　of　an　arm　to　the　periling　of　life　by　doubt
and　procrastination　！〃　But　I　know　not　if　I　am　right，　and　let　us　leave
these　parisons。

　　Enough！　There　are　moments，　Wilhelm，　when　I　could　rise　up　and　shake
it　all　off，　and　wh