少年维特的烦恼-第11部分

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she　is　unwilling　to　resign。

　　DECEMBER　15。　What　is　the　matter　with　me　，　dear　Wilhelm　？　I　am　afraid
of　myself　！　Is　not　my　love　for　her　of　the　purest　，　most　holy，　and　most
brotherly　nature？　Has　my　soul　ever　been　sullied　by　a　single　sensual　desire？
but　I　will　make　no　protestations。　And　now　，　ye　nightly　visions　，　how
truly　have　those　mortals　understood　you　，　who　ascribe　your　various　contradictory
effects　to　some　invincible　power！　This　night　I　tremble　at　the　avowal
——　I　held　her　in　my　arms，　locked　in　a　close　embrace：　I　pressed　her
to　my　bosom　，　and　covered　with　countless　kisses　those　dear　lips　which
murmured　in　reply　soft　protestations　of　love。　My　sight　became　confused
by　the　delicious　intoxication　of　her　eyes。　Heavens！　is　it　sinful　to　revel
again　in　such　happiness　，　to　recall　once　more　those　rapturous　moments
with　intense　delight？　Charlotte！　Charlotte！　I　am　lost！　My　senses　are
bewildered，　my　recollection　is　confused，　mine　eyes　are　bathed　in　tears
——　I　am　ill　；　and　yet　I　am　well——　I　wish　for　nothing　——　I　have
no　desires——　it　were　better　I　were　gone。

　　Under　the　circumstances　narrated　above，　a　determination　to　quit　this
world　had　now　taken　fixed　possession　of　Werther's　soul。　Since　Charlotte's
return，　this　thought　had　been　the　final　object　of　all　his　hopes　and　wishes
；　but　he　had　resolved　that　such　a　step　should　not　be　taken　with　precipitation，
but　with　calmness　and　tranquillity，　and　with　the　most　perfect　deliberation。

　　His　troubles　and　internal　struggles　may　be　understood　from　the　following
fragment，　which　was　found，　without　any　date　，　amongst　his　papers　，
and　appears　to　have　formed　the　beginning　of　a　letter　to　Wilhelm。

　　〃Her　presence　，　her　fate　，　her　sympathy　for　me，　have　power　still
to　extract　tears　from　my　withered　brain。

　　〃One　lifts　up　the　curtain　，　and　passes　to　the　other　side　，——　that
is　all！　And　why　all　these　doubts　and　delays？　Because　we　know　not　what
is　behind　——　because　there　is　no　returning——　and　because　our　mind
infers　that　all　is　darkness　and　confusion　，　where　we　have　nothing　but
uncertainty。〃

　　His　appearance　at　length　became　quite　altered　by　the　effect　of　his
melancholy　thoughts　；　and　his　resolution　was　now　finally　and　irrevocably
taken　，　of　which　the　following　ambiguous　letter，　which　he　addressed
to　his　friend　，　may　appear　to　afford　some　proof。

　　DECEMBER　2O。　I　am　grateful　to　your　love　，　Wilhelm，　for　having　repeated
your　advice　so　seasonably。　Yes，　you　are　right：　it　is　undoubtedly　better
that　I　should　depart。　But　I　do　not　entirely　approve　your　scheme　of　returning
at　once　to　your　neighbourhood　；　at　least　，　I　should　Iike　to　make　a　little
excursion　on　the　way，　particularly　as　we　may　now　expect　a　continued　frost，
and　consequently　good　roads。　I　am　much　pleased　with　your　intention　of
ing　to　fetch　me；　only　delay　your　journey　for　a　fortnight，　and　wait
for　another　letter　from　me。　One　should　gather　nothing　before　it　is　ripe，
and　a　fortnight　sooner　or　later　makes　a　great　difference。　Entreat　my　mother
to　pray　for　her　son　，　and　tell　her　I　beg　her　pardon　for　all　the　unhappiness
I　have　occasioned　her。　It　has　ever　been　my　fate　to　give　pain　to　those
whose　happiness　I　should　have　promoted。　Adieu　，　my　dearest　friend。　May
every　blessing　of　Heaven　attend　you　！　Farewell。

　　We　find　it　difficult　to　express　the　emotions　with　which　Charlotte's
soul　was　agitated　during　the　whole　of　this　time　，　whether　in　relation
to　her　husband　or　to　her　unfortunate　friend　；　although　we　are　enabled，
by　our　knowledge　of　her　character　，　to　understand　their　nature。

　　It　is　certain　that　she　had　formed　a　determination　，　by　every　means
in　her　power　to　keep　Werther　at　a　distance；　and，　if　she　hesitated　in
her　decision，　it　was　from　a　sincere　feeling　of　friendly　pity　，　knowing
how　much　it　would　cost　him，　indeed　，　that　he　would　find　it　almost　impossible
to　ply　with　her　wishes。　But　various　causes　now　urged　her　to　be　firm。
Her　hushand　preserved　a　strict　silence　about　the　whole　matter　；　and　she
never　made　it　a　subject　of　conversation　，　feeling　bound　to　prove　to　him
by　her　conduct　that　her　sentiments　agreed　with　his。

　　The　same　day，　which　was　the　Sunday　before　Christmas，　after　Werther
had　written　the　last…mentioned　letter　to　his　friend　，　he　came　in　the
evening　to　Charlotte's　house，　and　found　her　alone。　She　was　busy　preparing
some　little　gifts　for　her　brothers　and　sisters，　which　were　to　be　distributed
to　them　on　Christmas　Day。　He　began　talking　of　the　delight　of　the　children，
and　of　that　age　when　the　sudden　appearance　of　the　Christmas…tree，　decorated
with　fruit　and　sweetmeats　，　and　lighted　up　with　wax　candles，　causes
such　transports　of　joy。　〃You　shall　have　a　gift　too，　if　you　behave　well
，〃　said　Charlotte　，　hiding　her　embarrassment　under　sweet　smile。　〃And
what　do　you　call　behaving　well？　What　should　I　do　，　what　can　I　do，　my
dear　Charlotte？〃　said　he。　〃Thursday　night，〃　she　answered，　〃is　Christmas
Eve。　The　children　are　all　to　be　here，　and　my　father　too：　there　is　a
present　for　each；　do　you　e　likewise　，　but　do　not　e　before　that
time。〃　Werther　started。　〃I　desire　you　will　not：　it　must　be　so，〃　she
continued。　〃I　ask　it　of　you　as　a　favour　，　for　my　own　peace　and　tranquillity。
We　cannot　go　on　in　this　manner　any　longer。〃　He　turned　away　his　face　walked
hastily　up　and　down　the　room，　muttering　indistinctly　，　〃We　cannot　go
on　in　this　manner　any　longer！〃　Charlotte　，　seeing　the　violent　agitation
into　which　these　words　had　thrown　him　，　endeavoured　to　divert　his　thoughts
by　different　questions，　but　in　vain。　〃No　，　Charlotte！〃　he　exclaimed
；　〃I　will　never　see　you　any　more　！〃　〃And　why　so　？〃　she　answered。　〃We
may　——　we　must　see　each　other　again　；　only　let　it　be　with　more　discretion。
Oh！　why　were　you　born　with　that　excessive，　that　ungovernable　passion
for　everything　that　is　dear　to　you？〃　Then，　taking　his　hand，　she　said，
〃I　entreat　of　you　to　be　more　calm　：　your　talents　，　your　understanding，
your　genius　，　will　furnish　you　with　a　thousand　resources。　Be　a　man　，
and　conquer　an　unhappy　attachment　toward　a　creature　who　can　do　nothing
but　pity　you。〃　He　bit　his　lips，　and　looked　at　her　with　a　gloomy　countenance。
She　continued　to　hold　his　hand。　〃Grant　me　but　a　moment's　patience　，　Werther，
〃　she　said。　〃Do　you　not　see　that　you　are　deceiving　yourself　，　that　you
are　seeking　your　own　destruction？　Why　must　you　love　me　，　me　only，　who
belong　to　another　？　I　fear　，　I　much　fear，　that　it　is　only　the　impossibility
of　possessing　me　which　makes　your　desire　for　me　so　strong。〃　He　drew　back
his　hand，　whilst　he　surveyed　her　with　a　wild　and　angry　look。　〃'Tis　well！
〃　he　exclaimed，　〃'tis　very　well！　Did　not　Albert　furnish　you　with　this
reflection？　It　is　profound　，　a　very　profound　remark。〃　〃A　reflection
that　any　one　might　easily　make，〃　she　answered；　〃and　is　there　not　a　woman
in　the　whole　world　who　is　at　liberty，　and　has　the　power　to　make　you　happy？
Conquer　yourself：　look　for　such　a　being，　and　believe　me　when　I　say　that
you　will　certainly　find　her。　I　have　long　felt　for　you　，　and　for　us　all
：　you　have　confined　yourself　too　long　within　the　limits　of　too　narrow
a　circle。　Conquer　yourself；　make　an　effort　：　a　short　journey　will　be
of　service　to　you。　Seek　and　find　an　object　worthy　of　your　love；　then
return　hither　，　and　let　us　enjoy　together　all　the　happiness　of　the　most
perfect　friendship。〃

　　〃This　speech，〃　replied　Werther　with　a　cold　smile　，　〃this　speech
should　be　printed　，　for　the　benefit　of　all　teachers。　My　dear　Charlotte，
allow　me　but　a　short　time　longer，　and　all　will　be　well。〃　〃But　however，
Werther　，〃　she　added　，　〃do　not　e　again　before　Christmas。〃　He　was
about　to　make　some　answer　，　when　Albert　came　in。　They　saluted　each　other
coldly，　and　with　mutual　embarrassment　paced　up　and　down　the　room。　Werther
made　some　mon　remarks；　Albert　did　the　same，　and　their　conversation
soon　dropped。　Albert　asked　his　wife　about　some　household　matters；　and，
finding　that　his　missions　were　not　executed，　he　used　some　expressions
which　，　to　Werther's　ear　，　savoured　of　extreme　harshness。　He　wished
to　go　，　but　had　not　power　to　move；　and　in　this　situation　he　remained
till　eight　o'clock，　his　uneasiness　and　discontent　continually　increasing。
At　length　the　cloth　was　laid　for　supper　，　and　he　took　up　his　hat　and
stick。　Albert　invited　him　to　remain　；　but　Werther，　fancying　that　he
was　merely　paying　a　formal　pliment　，　thanked　him　coldly　，　amd　left
the　house。

　　Werther　returned　home　，　took　the　candle　from　his　servant　，　and　retired
to　his　room　alone。　He　talked　for　some　time　with　great　earnestness　to　himself，
wept　aloud，　walked　in　a　state　of　great　excitement　through　his　chamber
；　till　at　length　，　without　undressing　，　he　threw　himself　on　the　bed，
where　he　was　found　by　his　servant　at　eleven　o'clock　，　when　the　latter
ventured　to　enter　the　room，　and　take　off　his　boots。　Werther　did　not　prevent
him　，　but　forbade　him　to　e　in　the　morning　till　he　should　ring。

　　On　Monday　morning　，　the　21st　of　December　，　he　wrote　to　Charlotte
the　following　letter，　which　was　found，　sealed　，　on　his　bureau　after
his　death　，　and　was　given　to　her。　I　shall　insert　it　in　fragments　；　as
it　appears，　from　several　circumstances　，　to　have　been　written　in　that
manner。

　　〃It　is　all　over　，　Charlotte：　I　am　resolved　to　die　！　I　make　this
declaration　deliberately　and　coolly　，　without　any　romantic　passion　，
on　this　morning　of　the　day　when　I　am　to　see　you　for　the　last　time。　At
the　moment　you　read　these　lines　，　O　best　of　women，　the　cold　grave　will
hold　the　inanimate　remains　of　that　restless　and　unhappy　being　who　，　in
the　last　moments　of　his　existence　，　knew　no　pleasure　so　great　as　that
of　conversing　with　you！　I　have　passed　a　dreadful　night　or　rather　，　let
me　say，　a　propitious　one　；　for　it　has　given　me　resolution　，　it　has
fixed　my　purpose。　I　am　resolved　to　die。　When　I　tore　myself　from　you　yesterday，
my　senses　were　in　tumult　and　disorder　；　my　heart　was　oppressed　，　hope
and　pleasure　had　fled　from　me　for　ever，　and　a　petrifying　cold　had　seized
my　wretched　being。　I　could　scarcely　reach　my　room。　I　threw　myself　on　my
knees　；　and　Heaven　，　for　the　last　time，　granted　me　the　consolation
of　shedding　tears。　A　thousand　ideas　，　a　thousand　schemes　，　arose　within
my　soul　；　till　at　length　one　last，　fixed，　final　thought　took　possession
of　my　heart。　It　was　to　die。　I　lay　down　to　rest；　and　in　the　morning　，
in　the　quiet　hour　of　awakening，　the　same　determination　was　upon　me。　To
die　！　It　is　not　despair：　it　is　conviction　that　I　have　filled　up　the
measure　of　my　sufferings，　that　I　have　reached　my　appointed　term，　and
must　sacrifice　myself　for　thee。　Yes　，　Charlotte，　why　should　I　not　avow
it？　One　of　us　three　must　die　：　it　shall　be　Werther。　O　beloved　Charlotte！
this　heart，　excited　by　rage　and　fury　，　has　often　conceived　the　horrid
idea　of　murdering　your　husband——　you——　myself　！　The　lot　is　cast　at
length。　And　in　the　bright　，　quiet　evenings　of　summer　，　when　you　sometimes
wander　toward　the　mountains　，　let　your　thoughts　then　turn　to　me：　recollect
how　often　you　have　watched　me　ing　to　meet　you　from　the　valley；　then
bend　your　eyes　upon　the　churchyard　which　contains　my　grave，　and，　by
the　light　of　the　setting　sun，　mark　how　the　evening　breeze　waves　the　tall
grass　which　grows　above　my　tomb。　I　was　calm　when　I　began　this　letter，
but　the　recollection　of　these　scenes　makes　me　weep　like　a　child。〃　About
ten　in　the　morning，　Werther　called　his　servant　，　and，　whilst　he　was
dressing，　told　him　that　in　a　few　days　he　intended　to　set　out　upon　a　journey，
and　bade　him　therefore　lay　his　clothes　in　order　，　and　prepare　them　for
packing　up，　call　in　all　his　accounts　，　fetch　home　the　books　he　had　lent，
and　give　two　months'　pay　to　the　poor　dependants　who　were　accustomed　to
receive　from　him　a　weekly　allowance。

　　He　breakfasted　in　his　room，　and　then　mounted　his　horse　，　and　went
to　visit　the　steward，　who，　however，　was　not　at　home。　He　walked　pensively
in　the　garden　，　and　seemed　anxious　to　renew　all　the　ideas　that　were　most
painful　to　him。

　　The　children　did　not　suffer　him　to　remain　alone　long。　They　followed
him　，　skipping　and　dancing　before　him，　and　told　him　，　that　after　to…morrow
and　tomorrow　and　one　day　more　，　they　were　to　receive　their　Christmas
gift　from　Charlotte　；　and　they　then　recounted　all　the　wonders　of　which
they　had　formed　ideas　in　their　child　imaginations。　〃Tomorrow　and　tomorrow，
〃　said　he　，　〃and　one　day　more！〃　And　he　kissed　them　tenderly。　He　was
going　；　but　the　younger　boy　stopped　him，　to　whisper　something　in　his
ear。　He　told　him　that　his　elder　brothers　had　written　splendid　New…Year's
wishes　so　large　！　one　for　papa　，　and　another　for　Albert　and　Charlotte，
and　one　for　Werther　；　and　they　were　to　be　presented　early　in　the　morning，
on　New　Year's　Day。　This　quite　overcame　him。　He　made　each　of　the　children
a　present　，　mounted　his　horse，　left　his　pliments　for　papa　and　mamma，
and　，　with　tears　in　his　eyes　，　rode　away　from　the　place。

　　He　returned　home　about　five　o'clock　，　ordered　his　servant　to　keep
up　his　fire　，　desired　him　to　pack　his　books　and　linen　at　the　bottom　of
the　trunk　，　and　to　place　his　coats　at　the　top。　He　then　appears　to　have
made　the　following　addition　to　the　letter　addressed　to　Charlotte：

　　〃You　do　not　expect　me。　You　think　I　will　obey　you，　and　not　visit　you
again　till　Christmas　Eve。　O　Charlotte　，　today　or　never　！　On　Christmas
Eve　you　will　hold　this　paper　in　your　hand　；　you　will　tremble　，　and　moisten
it　with　your　tears。　I　will——　I　must　！　Oh　，　how　happy　I　feel　to　be
determined！〃

　　In　the　meantime　，　Charlotte　was　in　a　pitiable　state　of　mind。　After
her　last　conversation　with　Werther，　she　found　how　painful　to　herself
it　would　be　to　decline　his　visits　，　and　knew　how　severely　he　would　suffer
from　their　separation。

　　She　had　，　in　conversation　with　Albert，　mentioned　casually　that　Werther
would　not　return　before　Christmas　Eve　；　and　soon　afterward　Albert　went
on　horseback　to　see　a　person　in　the　neighbourhood　，　with　whom　he　had
to　transact　some　business　which　would　detain　him　all　night。

　　Charlotte　was　sitting　alone。　None　of　her　family　were　near　，　and　she
gave　herself　up　to　the　reflections　that　silently　took　possession　of　her
mind。　She　was　for　ever　united　to　a　husband　whose　love　and　fidelity　she
had　proved，　to　whom　she　was　heartily　devoted　，　and　who　seemed　to　be
a　special　gift　from　Heaven　to　ensure　her　happiness。　On　the　other　hand　，
Werther　had　bee　dear　to　her。　There　was　a　cordial　unanimity　of　sentiment
between　them　from　the　very　first　hour　of　their　acquaintance　，　and　their
long　association　and　repeated　interviews　had　made　an　indelible　impression
upon　her　heart。　She　had　been　accustomed　to　municate　to　him　every　thought
and　feeling　which　interested　her，　and　his　absence　threatened　to　open
a　void　in　her　existence　which　it　might　be　impossible　to　fill。　How　heartily
she　wished　that　she　might　change　him　into　her　brother　，——　that　she
could　induce　him　to　marry　one　of　her　own　friends，　or　could　reestablish
his　intimacy　with　Albert。

　　She　passed　all　her　intimate　friends　in　review　before　her　mind　，　but
found　something　objectionable　in　each　，　and　could　decide　upon　none　to
whom　she　would　consent　to　give　him。

　　Amid　all　these　considerations　she　felt　deeply　but　indistinctly　that
her　own　real　but　unexpressed　wish　was　to　retain　him　for　herself　，　and
her　pure　and　amiable　heart　felt　from　this　thought　a　sense　of　oppression
which　seemed　to　forbid　a　prospect　of　happiness。　She　was　wretched：　a　dark
cloud　obscured　her　mental　vision。

　　It　was　now　half…past　six　o'clock，　and　she　heard　Werther's　step　on
the　stairs。　She　at　once　recognised　his　voice，　as　he　inquired　if　she　were
at　home。　Her　heart　beat　audibly　——　we　could　almost　say　for　the　first
time——　at　his　arrival。　It　was　too　late　to　deny　herself；　and，　as　he
entered　，　she　exclaimed，　with　a　sort　of　ill　concealed　confusion　，　〃You
have　not　kept　your　word　！〃　〃I　promised　nothing　，〃　he　answered。　〃But
you　should　have　plied，　at　least　for　my　sake　，〃　she　continued。　〃　I
implore　you　，　for　both　our　sakes。〃

　　She　scarcely　knew　what　she　said　or　did；　and　sent　for　some　friends，
who　，　by　their　presence，　might　prevent　her　being　left　alone　with　Werther。
He　put　down　some　books　he　had　brought　with　him，　then　made　inquiries　about
some　others　，　until　she　began　to　hope　that　her　friends　might　arrive　shortly，
entertaining　at　the　same　time　a　desire　that　they　might　stay　away。

　　At　one　moment　she　felt　anxious　that　the　servant　should　remain　in　the
adjoining　room，　then　she　changed　her　mind。　Werther　，　meanwhile，　walked
impatiently　up　and　down。　She　went　to　the　piano，　and　determined　not　to
retire。　She　then　collected　her　thoughts　，　and　sat　down　quietly　at　Werther's
side，　who　had　taken　his　usual　place　on　the　sofa。

　　〃Have　you　brought　nothing　to　read　？〃　she　inquired。　He　had　nothing。
〃There　in　my　drawer　，〃　she　continued　，　〃you　will　find　your　own　translation
of　some　of　the　songs　of　Ossian。　I　have　not　yet　read　them，　as　I　have　still
hoped　to　hear　you　recite　them　；　but，　for　some　time　past　，　I　have　not
been　able　to　acplish　such　a　wish。〃　He　smiled　，　and　went　for　the　manuscript，
which　he　took　with　a　shudder。　He　sat　down　；　and，　with　eyes　full　of　tears，
he　began　to　read。

　　〃Star　of　descending　night　！　fair　is　thy　light　in　the　west！　thou
liftest　thy　unshorn　head　from　thy　cloud　；　thy　steps　are　stately　on　thy
hill。　What　dost　thou　behold　in　the　plain？　The　stormy　winds　are　laid。
The　murmur　of　the　torrent　es　from　afar。　Roaring　waves　climb　the　distant
rock。　The　flies　of　evening　are　on　their　feeble　wings：　the　hum　of　their
course　is　on　the　field。　What　dost　thou　behold　，　fair　light　？　But　thou
dost　smile　and　depart。　The　waves　e　with　joy　around　thee：　they　bathe
thy　lovely　hair。　Farewell　，　thou　silent　beam　！　Let　the　light　of　Ossian's
soul　arise！

　　〃And　it　does　arise　in　its　strength！　I　behold　my　departed　friends。
Their　gathering　is　on　Lora，　as　in　the　days　of　other　years。　Fingal　es
like　a　watery　column　of　mist！　his　heroes　are　around：　and　see　the　bards
of　song　，　gray…haired　Ullin！　stately　Ryno　！　Alpin　with　the　tuneful
voice　：　the　soft　plaint　of　Minona　！　How　are　ye　changed　，　my　friends，
since　the　days　of　Selma's　feast　！　when　we　contended，　like　gales　of　spring
as　they　fly　along　the　hill，　and　bend　by　turns　the　feebly　whistling　grass。

　　〃Minona　came　forth　in　her　beauty，　with　downcast　look　and　tearful
eye。　Her　hair　was　flying　slowly　with　the　blast　that　rushed　unfrequent
from　the　hill。　The　souls　of　the　heroes　were　sad　when　she　raised　the　tuneful
voice。　Oft　had　they　seen　the　grave　of　Salgar，　the　dark　dwelling　of　white…bosomed
Colma。　Colma　left　alone　on　the　hill　with　all　her　voice　of　song！　Salgar
promised　to　e！　but　the　night　descended　around。　Hear　the　voice　of　Colma，
when　she　sat　alone　on　the　hill！

　　〃Colma。　It　is　night　：　I　am　alone　，　forlorn　on　the　hill　of　storms。
The　wind　is　heard　on　the　mountain。　The　torrent　is　howling　down　the　rock。
No　hut　receives　me　from　the　rain：　forlorn　on　the　hill　of　winds　！

　　〃Rise　moon！　from　behind　thy　clouds。　Stars　of　the　night　，　arise！
Lead　me　，　some　light　，　to　the